A few weeks ago, a colleague in counseling contacted me
about a need for a client in professional therapy.
The client’s wife died the day before.
The client, now a widower, was already dealing with
existential issues, including the grief and loss of a son in recent years. The family situation was such that my
therapist friend knew the family had no ability to “hire” services for a
funeral; and he knew they had no faith community in to partner with them in
their loss.
In the next 48 hours, I worked with my colleague, a grieving
husband, and a grieving son to plan and officiate for a dignified memorial
ceremony.
We arranged for free space at the University where I teach,
utilizing our prayer chapel.
I met with the Widower personally, to hear some of his
story, and through his stories to “meet” his wife.
The next day I officiated at the memorial service. Only the widower, his son, the therapist, and
the cremated remains of the Deceased were present. A husband and son, and, for all intent and
purposes, a total stranger (me!) and a professional consultant.
Our time was still sacred as Another gathered with us.
The simple service included words of blessing and prayer,
reminders of loss and grief, consistent with what I present in any funeral
service. As with any memorial or funeral
service, the family said a few personal words as the son shared stories about
his mom. At the request of the Widower,
I shared a few stories about objects that were precious to he and his wife, including
the last gift the widower had purchased for his wife before her death. With a simple sound-system, at the request of
the Widower, I played a song that had been most memorable to the deceased
mother, when her son had passed, “Forever Young” by Rod Stewart.
In some ways it was the most un-remarkable of memorial
services.
In other ways, it was the most poignantly powerful memorial
service I have ever had opportunity to share with others. It will be more “memorable” to me
than others I have officiated.
The therapist took the Widower and his son to a cafeteria
restaurant afterwards, their favorite place to eat, at their request.
He shared with me later, “Just experienced my first funeral
meal at Jeff’s Country Café.”
The therapist continued, “I used to think a person’s life
was judged, at least in part, by the number of people who came to their
funeral. The last several years, working
with the forgotten; working with people who have been overlooked, has radically
changed my thinking. This family would
never have been in a place to ‘be known’ in the same way we are. But God knows them. Thanks for your ministry to them and to me
today, friend.”
Perhaps the greatest impact we need to have in the lives of
others, with others, is to partner with them in loss, to be present with them
in grief.
May we find ways to extend grace, love, kindness and hope to
all those in need.
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